* Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.  But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

* There are three signs of old age.  The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

* You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

* Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

* Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

* By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

* Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

* A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

* You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

* The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

* You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

* You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

* You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

* The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

* Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.