Plumber:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On Maternity Room door:
"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome; dog food is expensive."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary; we'll hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"

Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselor's office:
"Growing old is mandatory, but growing wise is optional.